I called you to phone bone last night, but you were out with your boring friends playing video games
there is nothing more satisfying than playing sudoku while pooping
I like to think that tonight was Jesus punishing James Cameron for his role in popularizing "My Heart Will Go On."
My grandma just told me that she sharted, no I am not having fun in El Paso.
She is the perfect woman. She cooks, gives good head and doesn't care that I have a small penis.
Some kid just walked into class with his schedlue written on a keystone box.
I am not ready to suck todays dick. Todays dick just laughed and came on my face.
I just feel like a girl who's never eaten a pb&j probably doesn't swallow
he wouldn't lick chocolate syrup off of me because he's vegan. most awkward shower ever.
She had a cast on when I met her, but she blamed me for breaking her arm this morning. I'm gonna marry this girl.
He showed up at my door at 3 AM wearing a Santa hat with a tiara attached.
Done deal I'm dying it right at this moment. I'll need a red Speedo and a half shirt that is extremely tight. Like nipple tight.
Can you bring me a corn dog or something shaped like one?
I never thought my Saturday night would end up with someone crawling around my carpet for 3 hours trying to pick up spilled coke...
I never thought my Saturday night would end up with ME crawling around your carpet for 3 hours trying to save my investment.
I'm so hung over that I just tried to send you a screen shot of the cracked screen on my phone.
Randomize
