I just walked into the kitchen and my dad was having this uber serious convo
With himself
Remember how we wr so drunk last nite we cldnt find whr i shot my load? ...found some of it.
i need you to recap everything for me beyond "i think i'm gonna try vodka-pong"
Nothing says "get your life together" better than waking up in a tub full of your own vomit. Twice. In one night.
just when i thought i had forgotten how badthe sex was he comes across campus solely to say hi
Because of his penis, I can't even look at a hot dog
After Madison dropped a bottle of full vodka an it shattered on the floor, it was quiet for literally 3 min straight and then drew said "the booze gods have spoken"
I feel like I should have backed off when "I love you" came out on the third date. Now I'm in her bed wondering which door my shrine is behind. Fuck.
Sangria Sundays can't keep happening. Even my second grade students know I'm hungover. Benji even gave me his oreos its that bad
If TJ is short for Trader Joe, I'm gonna fuck him
I'm just down here gazing up into your ivory tower of nudes
He sent me a dick pic for every page I had to write for final papers (87) & brought me adderall. Tell me that isn't romance.
and then you proceeded to throw soup at him for calling you a bitch...a CAN of soup...
All I have in my purse is 10 cents and a plastic ducky.\nI can't explain last night.
We've been here for 9 days, so of course I am high at my in-laws' house.
Randomize
