Get out...Run...Or there's going to be a dick in your mailbox
He said he was from Mississippi and my vagina clamped shut like a frightened oyster
I just got hit in the face by an old lady love handle.
the bank didn't screw up, i spent 150$ at mcdonalds last night
nothing says "we're all in this together" like the herpes she passed around to our entire group of friends
I'm just sayin' man be careful, that chick has castration written all over her.
i sent you a picture of beads you send me a picture of boobs how hard is this to understand
Ok. I am hammered I will admit it but my legacy needs to live and your the only woman that could spawn satan. We need to talk.
drinking from the bathtub cause I'm too lazy to walk downstairs and too thirsty to care
Smoked before work and just remembered i left pringles in my desk last time i was high. SCORE
I'm such a good drunk match marker. You single, you single... Drunk friend meet single boy. BOOM illegitimate baby made!
I'm tired of being known as the Great Giver Goddess of the Almighty Pity Bone.
Tequila Tuesday.. tonight is the night I defeat the liquor.
I have class at 8:30 and I am not bailing you out of the drunk tank again.
My sinuses still burn from snorting red wine last night.
Yeah I either headbutted a street sign while texting or I defended you two from an evil gang of nazi muggers. I was black out so I am gonna assume it was option b.
Randomize
