shes wearing a jean skirt, its frayed. i got this
Holy fuck. She looks like Vin Diesel's stuntman
I'm on the bus going to class. And a cop just rolled by and I got nervous because I didn't have my seatbelt on. I have to stop smoking so much weed.
Just suggested things for my dad to get my mom for Christmas in terms of "yeah you'll get laid."
i had to sit with a fan pointed directly to my vag for a good 10 minutes
You kept running up to random groups of people and saying "I'm a Dallas Cowboy Cheerleader so we all have to chug our drinks!" and they all listened to you.
Sudden memory flashback: drunk me outside ripping my tampon out and throwing it into the neighbors yard, silently cheering 'time for sexxxx'. I sense a dangerous pattern emerging
Haha! You know I mean that in a positive way. Like, "let them eat cake!" Or in our case, "let them achieve obesity from the two entree plate at Panda Express!"
I felt really bad for not letting her go in, it was like we were dangling lesbians in front of her
You told the guy in Wawa you needed his hoagie for "a scavenger hunt" and then called him a "fuckstained Muggle" when he didn't give it to you. You are a delight.
We had sex and then I offered him a cookie...while he was still inside of me. Basically he's in love
I gave up great shower sex to be here so don't say I never did anything for our friendship.
My ex is having a baby and I'm over here planning my dogs birthday celebration...
When is the party?
I think my fortune cookie is telling me I give good blowjobs.
Hey. You got pizza and sex. How much more can you ask for?
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