i wish i could watch tv and lissten to music at the same time...but still understand both
i think otters can do that
it was 6 in the morning, and you cried until i put mulan in. then you proceeded to say every word, not to mention sing along... stop drinking.
i called him pencil dick in front of over half of his fraternity brothers...
...never gotten so many high fives in my life! fuck ya i win!
Maybe if i steal enough bar glasses i can justify all the money spent i've spent there
i totally fed the cab driver fruit salad with my hands while he was driving
you realize that if you hadn't mouthed "we're getting laid tonight", i wouldn't have woken up with your ex this morning. just sayin
He just texted me from the outside of the hospital. He called the fat broad in the bar mrs snuffleupagus about 60 times and she broke a bottle of blackberry brandy over his head.
At some point I'd like to figure out how the weird kid from sociology ended up on my couch naked hugging what appears to be some sort of clothing....seriously it's creeping me out
I said we should get a taxi and you were waving down cars, three of which were cops and one of them slowed down and shook his head then kept driving
He didn't think we needed a taxi
some people spend their whole lives trying to find their soulmate. who knew mine was hiding in utah successfully balancing a pageant career and a coke habit.
I need a priest, doctor, and therapist after this weekend.
You came walking in the backyard at 10am, in cowboy boots, a new shirt, and had no money,....we lost you for 15 hours....i think you just need a camera crew, or an assistant. IMPRESSED!
WTF I can't even get a boyfriend here and you're getting nudes from across the country
When i said you could use my car and have sex in the back....i wasn't being serious.
there are LEGIT cum stains on my ceilling. ON THE CEILLING!! you tell me how the relationship was.
He broke both of his legs jumping out of a window to escape a coyote.
Randomize
