Thanks for the birthday present, i had so much fun playing with it
Are you talking about my vagina?
the teacher just ate a hash brownie and passed out on the bus best field trip 2010'
it was like watching bambi learning to walk, if bambi was 22 and a high functioning alcoholic.
Fucking plugged the shower with taquitos I just threw up.
heres the thing, we have 120 cans of beer left in the fridge. until thats finished we cant fit food in the fridge
Ok but if you die you have to get "I should've listened to Mike" carved into your tombstone
Never ever ever ever ever ever give your number to a 30 year old at buffalo wild wings. Ever ever ever.
I'm just sad for you. It sucks that the 17 douchebag asshole guys you're fucking can't morph into one nice, normal, non-alcoholic guy that has a drivers license and no criminal history.
We had sex twice and at Wendy's how dare you diminish that.
Just saw the bridesmaid use her new sister in law as a stripper pole
Yeah, I've hit on priests at bars, too. Such a shame, there are a lot of hot men out there who've devoted themselves and their glorious genitalia to the Lord -_-
There are condoms rolled onto each bunny ear of the ears I was wearing last night
I think people are normalizing furries
i looked at my texts in the morning and saw that i had a full conversation with myself via text thinking it was someone else. i rejected myself
Put on my pants to go to work and discovered they had melted.
Randomize
