Holy shit! This guy had his hands and feet handcuffed and was scooting across the interstate and we almost hit him because it was so dark. I hate Louisiana.
He screamed "Oh boy! Oh boy!" during climax.
i woke up in the fire place with a lighter in my hand. if i would have died the night would have made up for it.
She just pulled out a chicken strip and a hundred dollar bill from her purse. This is a legit twentyfirst bday weekend.
Got paid to make out with a girl. It takes skill to be this drunk and still make money
show concern. Mark ate a butterfly and proceeded to drink more shots like nothing happened
Really stoned me is having a very serious, intent conversation with my mom about egg rolls and koolaid flavors.
All I have in my new place is coke and a treadmill.. it's workout Wednesday
Can you bring me the toilet please
Theyll love you, its bunch of older ladies who drink whisky and sours and talk about the sex seans in Game of Throwns
Pretty sure I love my nipple piercing more than I'll love my children someday
And the sexual frustration is like I'm wearing a damn horcrux
I just wanna inform you guys that the first pregnancy scare of 2016 is over...
Typical Sunday morning text...are you alive?
Its like he got lessons from Jesus on how to use his tongue. And his dick.
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