I just saw a girl make a shank with the underwire in her bra...
I wonder why dictionaries dont have indexes to help find the words easier.
I just remembered I gave a homeless man a ride to his bridge last night.
At CVS buying just condoms. The guy behind me is buying just hotdog buns. There was a silent moment of understanding between us.
Would it be a dick move to report the suite next-door for a noise violation? They're singing Bad Romance off-key and I'm not sure if I can allow that.
One girl peed the bed, one lost her panties, another woke up on the piano, I have pink eye and door knobs are missing. This is why I stay in Nebraska
Ever since I told them the story of the sex in the canoe scandal its like I am in season
PA to anyone at the party last night and wondering where your pants are: they are in my backyard.
Okay, I just got to our real hotel and the YMCA may have been a better choice. A man w/ no shirt on
And the night ended with some random dude pissing on a car in a vain attempt to find a proper bathroom. We, the drunk, salute you, sir!
I'm going to miss recovering from hangovers on the beach. Rolling around in my dorm bed and watching Friends reruns is just gonna feel like slumming it.
I suppose what I've learned from this experience is that sometimes you just have to make out with a narcissistic baby daddy to make a clean getaway.
He follows more cats on Instagram then he does girls.. That's how you know your boyfriend is whipped.
Yeah I mean I think I need to stop living off of snacks and alcohol
Normally roommates threatening each other with knives would be too much crazy for me, but I don't have much going on right now and I feel like this could get interesting. So I think I'm gonna ride this shit out for a while.
Randomize
