You can tell alot about a person by their poo.. For example, he was a smoker.
I love having a boyfriend. I just ate pancakes with regular syrup and chocolate syrup, I havent shaved my legs in a week, and Im still going to get laid tonight.
fuck. you.
We agreed to not shave eyebrows when someone is passed out. douchebag.
I really can't get over how proud I am of all us getting laid at the same time in the same apartment
His fuck buddy just got fake tits and wants him to 'come break them in.' I need his life.
I would just like to go ahead and accept my slut of the year award.
It's like 10 times better than an Oscar
I know what you meant. If you want babies in time for your birthday, we gonna need either a time machine or a ski mask.
Seriously I am not buying you condoms anymore. You're 22, if you aren't woman enough to buy them yourself then you don't deserve orgasms. Grow some tits.
I'm using her Instagram as a way to know where in town she is so I can avoid her lol
Wasted. And I have 5 pounds of potatoes that I'm responsible for.
We spent our last night together taking turns vomiting in the bathroom. I'd say it was a romantic trip.
Note to self: make sure the door is locked before the handcuffs go on.
I woke up in nothing but my socks and my hat a cigarette in my mouth and a beer in my hand..........GREAT NEW YEARS
It's dangerous to be this horny at work. I'm gonna stain my desk chair
The salt made it so good this margarita is touching my soul. I swear I'm not high BUT I want elote in a cup with the insides of a shrimp taco. I think that would make my life complete.
Randomize
