apparently i told her i wouldn't press charges if she brought me food.
So i do have strep. My apologies to the british guy from this weekend. You now have one more reason to hate america
I held his ankles while he hung off the top bunk attempting to get my pillow that fell off.
Apparently you need a permit for a flamethrower.
Let me stew on this while im plucking my nipple hairs and showering.
He's a cat fanatic .. That was not in the fine print when we started fucking
Pretty sure I humiliated the fuck out of myself last night after I was dared to attempt to give myself head. I hate vodka
I was trying to fart in my sleep in the hopes that he would leave
Fucking in bar bathrooms doesn't count as "rushing things"
As he was going down on me, I looked over his shoulder and said "ohh a Christian mingle commercial is on"
I'm high and having a granola buffet this has got to be the healthiest I have ever been
You ever feel like just rubbing your face in everything like a dog?
OK, but next time I'd like to be present for our make-up sex.
It is getting ridiculous, the elaborateness of the schemes I have to concoct so my suitemates don't know I'm pooping.
What did you spend the night in her closet?
She said she was saving me for breakfast and locked me in there
Randomize
