Everytime she opens her mouth it's like a fucking terrorist attack on my life.
I wish i could call my weed and hear it ring. That's how i found my phone.
I am gunna fuck the accent right out of her mouth
Im at target. Idk why I'm buying condoms AND a tutu for my cat. No one who dresses their cat up has ever gotten laid.
I wore sweatpants. When I show up to a booty call in sweatpants there's your warning
Dude, she's the greatest salesman alive. she convinced chelsea to buy a box of Cheerios for $20. She can find your dick some willing pussy.
We shaved off his eyebrows I'm pretty sure his fiance will be thrilled at the wedding
Can we make a pact that if we're 40 and still sluts that aren't married we can get civil unioned the fuck up and raise an asian baby as our own?
wellllllll.... I literally just puked in my mouth so perhaps this is not the epic love connection I believed it to be 3 minutes ago.
I was high last night eating a fudge bar and making eggs with toast and corned beef hash for a 2 am snack and my dad asked what I was and the only reply I could think of was "I'm an adult."
I'm so high. Midnight pancake breakfast in bed
you missed 2am bagpipes and my roommate looking hot as fuck in a kilt
that almost beats the chick I saw smoking a joint while uni-cycling past my house at 4am. Almost.
I guess the weekly d&d orgies are treating you well
Southwest doesn't have zingzang bloody Mary mix. I'm gonna file a complaint with the FAA
Randomize
