What kind of friend are you? You don't even blackout anymore.
I wouldnt endorse that guy if he was walking in a walkathon to raise money for a disease i had
Three of the best words ever! Cocaine. Research. Study.
i left after you tried to balance a shot of tequila on your head while screaming at the bar tender that you fucked his girlfriend
Aaaaand I just watched him face plant in front of the taxi. This is why we don't invite him to margarita night.
She said she couldn't sleep with a guy who had blood stains on his ceiling. I tried to explain it wasn't my blood, but she still left :(
With the amount of g's you put on going I'm gonna guess you're drinking alone again
Is it mean to convince my old booty call she used me for sex so I can bang her again before I leave for Denver?
I HAVE A BLACK EYE FROM A DILDO!! IM GETTING MARRIED TOMORROW! THIS IS NOT A MISSUNDERSTANDING!
His reasoning for leaving the keys in the ignition of my car overnight with the top down in an open parking lot ? Too eager to have sex. The sex was not that good for him to do this twice....
I think god invented us with two hands so we can grab an ass and spank it at the same time.
He sent me a picture of his dick saying "your throne my lady" for my birthday. He knows the way to my heart.
Literally the only clue I have to try and figure out my blackout adventures is a draft on twitter that just says "Mummies alive!"
Just accidentally walked into a parade for Jesus
Actually I learned to fire a 357 Magnum at the age of ten while on my very first period
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