i was having this nice romantic moment with my girlfriend. then jimmy came in and peed on the fridge
dude smells like cheese burgers and loose women...... i want his life
burritoes are like sleeping bags for ground beef
i wanna anger bang this girl behind me at work. she never shuts up with her annoying voice. but her boobs are phenom.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Also, I don't remember opening my gifts from my family. It was cool when I woke up with a new ihome.
I wonder if our vaginas are like "o thank god, no strangers breaking in tonight." Baahhhh sooo bad
I'm eating the rest of the Xmas shrooms and welcoming 2012 by communing with the pine cone.
And the funny thing is when I went to the kitchen this morning, all 4 pizzas were still there in their boxes, untouched. My question to you is: what were we eating last night?
Using the balance in my bank account I just calculated how many fifths of vodka I can buy this year. Don't let me buy food, all my money is reserved for alcohol
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Our lady landlord called. Dot worry, I handled it. Drunk. Tell her it was Nate. Done. Good. Bye. Drunk.
you got in a fight with your imaginary friend last night when he didn't catch you after a surprise trust fall
Yeah I mean I think I need to stop living off of snacks and alcohol
like when you break up with someone your virginity slowly starts to grow back & when it's done it's like ding ding ding you're ready to date again
I look over and the both of you are naked, and he's eating chicken nuggets off the floor
I felt the need to set off fireworks in the living room while they were having sex upstairs. Yes, they quieted down.
Randomize