Im so sleepy and hes snoring super loud! i just wanna suffocate him, sleep, and deal with the body when I wake up
Ive either hit rock bottom or become my own hero.
she makes me feel like im THAT guy in the taylor swift song
The carpet cleaning people refuse to steam clean human feces. I'll call back later and blame it on the dog not you
I have no idea why I said that. I have no idea why anything happened last night, I broke my toaster making a egg. I'm going to quit drinking.
Babe. You eat pussy like a god warrior sent from a galaxy far far away to destroy female genitalia with new realms of pleasure. That's how I know your not gay.
His name is Dustib. Not a typo. I just can't.
People were wondering why I started hanging out with him after high school, the simple answer is now that I don't see his dorky ness everyday I can just focus on his amazing penis.
I'll only sleep there if we can bone on your balcony.
This is me trying to take a picture to send to grandma. At 4. We were trying to look sober.
You are free to stop by. I promise to keep my penis in my leather pants
I'm pretty sure the guy on the dance floor with crutches just smacked me in the butt with one. Do you think he's flirting?
I'm not talking about Donald Trump in the midst of sending you nudes
so i just met a former male stripper who has a lion king tattoo. new BFF? i think yes
It should be perfectly legal to tase anyone not wearing a mask.
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