We sat in your minivan all night in a parking lot pretending we were in the magic school bus going to the sun
Fuck morning classes. Fuck early work. Fuck anything in the morning that doesn't involve sleeping, sex or bacon.
if i actually bought condoms for every time i had sex, i could single handedly fix the economy
he climbed up to our party on the 2nd floor balcony and then pulled a glass mug and a beer from his knapsack. these freshmen are intense
scratched cornea got me an eyepatch and a blowjob from a girl with a thing for pirates
I just had to tell her that no she really doesnt need to sneak pizza from mcmurrays out in a plastic bag for me later
Glad we went casual last night, made my 1pm walk of shame through Walmart a little less obvious
If she doesn't judge me for bringing my vibrator in the tanning bed, I know she is a true friend.
I gave her at least chlamydia. Maybe worse. She is also into chicks and loves taking naked pics. It's like the less I believe in Jesus, the more he rewards me.
I just had a full choir singing the phrase pudding cup in my head. Too. Stoned.
My penis just literally said "Yaaaaaay!!!" It's the first time it's spoken out loud. Before this we could only communicate through rudimentary sign language
I think they make you graduate because you get too old to go hard and become a risk. homecoming weekend wins again. fuck.
Pretty sure i brought my phone charger to a booty call
UPDATE: THERE IS ASS EATING. I REPEAT: THERE IS ASS EATING.
Left my house last night with a girlfriend, $200 in my wallet, and 10 finger nails. Came home with no girlfriend, an empty wallet, and 9 1/2 finger nails.
Yea, I had a bad night too aha
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