i really like this girl i slept with last night
you ask her out again?
yeah but she said she is busy next weekend getting married
My grandpa is talking about laundry and he asked if i could run a "small hot load." Wow. I had to leave the room.
so he came in my eye... should i throw out my contacts?
So the hot 23 year old i went home with last night is really 17 and was here for orientation.. i feel like a pedifile...
In that case, you should probably come up to the union, orientation is in full swing, your kind of guys ;)
cunt.
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A friday without alcohol is hardly a friday at all
Just threw up in airport security. Happy holidays.
just because she threw up on my junk doesnt mean i dont like asians anymore
he walked out as i was licking snow off of his car...
The smell of mosquito spray completely ruined the sex.
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And the prospective student I was showing around had to take care of me.
I got wine drunk and bought a hedgehog.
I keep worrying the police are going to come looking for us.
For which one? Starting a fire on my porch or having sex on my porch?
My manager gave me an envelope with money in it before he had vacation, and when I asked what it was for, he said it will be his bail money.
Something in me snapped and now I’m just googling famous vegans.
I just woke up with a cowboy hat on my face and a playboy from the 90s on my chest
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