I went from sexy to sloppy in a matter of minutes
I just remembered Dan asking me all polite in the middle of sex "do you mind if I get behind you?" that was the most polite way I've been asked to do it doggy style
Tipsy and thinking of you. Talk tomorrow. My alliteration is awesome.
Were not really friends so much as I suck his dick a lot
I drank 13 shots. Which is unlucky. Which is why i threw up.
you threw up because you drank 13 SHOTS
He made me a mix cd. There is obviously something wrong with him.
Do you think if I puke at the gym they think is because I'm going hard walking on the treadmill?
I feel like a cloud. A cloud that wants to be laid.
HEY. That drawer full of booze in my dorm room also has aspirin and Tums in it. So don't tell me I don't care about health.
I woke up with $140 in twenties in my bra and have never been more puzzled.
I'll take "things you shouldn't say to a guy you just met in a bar" for 100!
I've had pants off for 3 hours now. America.
It stopped being casual for me when I waxed my vagina for you
avocado toast wont fix the fact you did a bunch of blow you fucking hipster
I left you a really long drunk voicemail and I remember something about a bat
Randomize
