Too much gin, very little bucket
Why do bread and butter chips remind me of eating out your mom?
Do you know how awkward it is to call the bar from last night and ask if they found my leggings?
At least I know she didn't hear me crawl to my room. Or did I walk on my hands? Fuck if I know.
And by "got a tattoo" i mean i got a tattoo in the dorm bathrooms with a guy using his cousin's tattoo gun.
I have a king size bed, I guarantee multiple orgasms, and I'll give you a ride home in the morning. Respond quickly.
Did I send you an asleep facebook message about the upcoming football season titled 'BRILLIANT' at 4:45 this morning?
If this wasn't a work function my tits would be out already.
I took "we live within stumbling distance of the bar" as an invitation and challenge
SURVIVAL MODE. WE CAN DO THIS. Celebratory survived-working-christmas-retail sex to follow
If it wasn't for the fact that I drink during my lunch break I'm pretty sure I would have quit this job by now
At least he finally released me from his spooning oven of death...
Probably yeah. I mean maybe one day we can be those friends that hang out naked. Not awkard at all.
Dude it's unhealthy how much I love vagina in my face
My GF, FWB and Side piece are all booty calling me. I’m a victim of my sexual success
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