can't decide if i want to get drunk or coked for this harry potter thing.. it is kind of long
aren't you going with children?
Tell me why Im cashing out of Walmart with Smirnoff and catfood
Awesome morning. I just met my boyfriend's wife, should I have shaken her hand or was the hug a tad over the top?
I'm not trying to go crazy tonight either. I just want to go out, have a few drinks, meet up with my ex-boyfriend and get fingered or something.
He kept calling my vagina a magic clam, and it was speaking to him, telling him to feed it his penis. I played along.
"guaranteed dick" "anywhere - her room, my room, trees, couch"
Sorry that was quotes about you from the grad student.
Yehhhaaww I'm way ahead of you. I'm gunna get her a card that says " I'm sorry your now ex boyfriend decided to upgrade"
Also, no joke, I think that raccoon hair is still in my eye from last night.
I think John will remember that birthday for a while. I'm still dying at the fact a stripper was hunting me down.
he BROKE his KNEE while we were getting it on, called 911 and the ambulance that showed up contained two paramedics, ONE WAS HIS FUCKING SISTER!!! HOW IS THIS MY LIFE?!?!?!
Poor life choices...?
Do not ever look at a picture of an erect ostrich penis. You will regret it.
She looks like a character that batman would try to kill, or something.
yes we're having sex but I'm texting you...so what does that tell you?
I came home and drank a bottle of wine in the bathtub. I have AMAZING coping skills!!
Thanks for going with me today. It’s been a long time since I bought bra and panties because of a guy
It’s called “shopping for lingerie” and it’s one of the many exciting and sexy things that follow a divorce, along with sexting, sleepovers, and orgasms
But, our next lesson is picking up a younger guys at the bar!
Randomize
