Turns out "bordello" doesn't mean what I thought it did.
He just came in my nostril. Never look down when a guy is pulling out during missionary.
I told the girl in his bed not to bleed on his sheets like the last one.
Either way you look at it, I'm a slut. But either way I look at it, I'm having a fucking blast.
It was my little brother's 14th birthday today. Didn't know what to get him so I just showed him how to use incognito tabs on google chrome.
When I say drunk I mean that in the process of filming a fratstar cooking show they threw a keg into the street where the police came to clean it up. now all they can say is "THE KEG GOT ARRESTED."
it's just weird to think of you as a teacher since ive seen you throw up raspberry bacardi in my parents house
I think I fell in love with her when I saw her kick a freshman in the chest
Jessica just ate her lipstick. That's how the night is going
I think I almost ran over some kid I went to high school with. Guilt factor: moderate to low.
Living alone for four weeks has given me unrealistic expectations of pantslessness.
Just beer bonged through a snorkel, add that to the list
Matt is trying to convince me that we have a deal where if I show him my tits he won't do cocaine. Apparently we shook hands on it?
They told him he could only pay in monopoly money and he pulls out a wad of it from his pocket... i think im in love
So you realized he wasn't actually cheating on you and now you're trying to unfuck things. Or in this case unfuck Tom.
Randomize
