Tell her to GTFO!!!!! JAI HO!!!!!
3 of us had 22 margaritas. Hellllllo yellow cab. Goodbye morals.
batman tramp stamp. Dibs.
I will never try to masturbate with americas funniest home videos playing in the background ever again
Theres a truck parked on the front yard and i just want to take this opportunity to tell you now that it is not my fault.
Heading to the gym, the one that guy said he goes to. Already checked online, his class is at 5. And no, this isn't too much after meeting him last night. Stop judging me,
Just because he saw my boobs doesn't mean he knows me all of a sudden
My mom just blew pot smoke into my nose and called me a cat.
Also pregame at mine tomorrow?
I was carrying him baywatch style into my place because he passed out.
They called it unicorn pee, and i thought that was interesting so i drank it. Please don't let me drink strangers booze again.
You tried to impress her by kicking the 5th floor button in the elevator, but you ended up kicking everything from 3 to 11. Then you said, "pretty accurate, huh ladies?"
I came in and she was laying on the ground just stoking it saying "the floor is where our feet step"
New drunken fun fact of last night, after I pushed Sarah and before I started making out with guy #1, I shouted that I'd go to third base on a first date, then threw myself at him
It is super hard to find a good vegan dominatrix! THAT'S why I'm single
So I might join you on the drunk train on the way to poor decisions.
Randomize
