so then you didnt wanna fuck tonight right?
oops, you werent supposed to get that until you left.
Is it normal that I have to take off my pants to get mouth stitches removed?
fine then we can just have courtesy sex i definetly won't like it
so the time management class we had to take for work seems to be working. I just beat off instead of waiting for gf to get home bc it fit my schedule better.
I literally sat down and peed with my underwear still on. How does that happen?
this mix will be the most desperate cry for affection in the history of itunes.
As if me making pizza in a skillet wasn't enough proof that I was in no state to be cooking, this burn blister on my hand is
you threw up into the pocket of your shirt. which was pretty damn polite
Guess I was throwing darts at a patrons head last night, lol! Black out
Celebrating landing my dream job by watching zombie movies and drinking free booze in the bath. I'm like 90% sure I just won life.
i woke up with fake boobs glued on my chest and a large black dildo on my hand. then i had to dress myself and walk home. people saw.
Weird, Jen didn't know mixers were solely for coloring purposes. Don't call me an alcoholic because you're uneducated
He made a deal with his real estate agent called fucking in 50 properties for sale
P.s. I wore your shirt today and it has your blood all over it, but I am at a funeral home and they are using embalming fluid to get your blood stains out right now.
Now, I know I say this a lot, but you've obviously never seen my penis.
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