Dude! wtf happend last nite? I woke up with 2 black eyes and a head ache
You stepped off the curb and face planted the road...twice
Why didnt you hold me up....and why a second time?
I helped you up but figured it was wayy funnier to watch you fall again then lose my buzz....
I wasn't fucked. I was just drunk, because i was still able to walk into the woods and masterbate.
The only thing I have to prove last night happened is a fireman's hat full of puke.
We had an indepth conversation about his employment at Arbys..
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
once you started introducing yourself as "running-bear" i knew you were beyond fucked up
Remind me again why a vodka watermelon can't be a thanksgiving dish
He walked door to door asking if anyone needed to get laid. Surprisingly, that ended his drought
I'm pretty sure I did the Macarena with a gay guy while shot gunning a beer
Hello, the Less Drunk that has my sister's phone. I am the Moderately Drunk. I am questioning your Friday activities. Why are you not the More Drunk?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
At some point the phrase "I've hit rock bottom" stopped having a meaning and became my general state of life
He managed to rip my nipple last night....
chicken nuggets make me a bit homicidal
sorry for running off in the middle of that heart to heart. free food.
Thanks for ruining my life with your man penis
I often worry that if I get famous, people from my past will recognize me and start talking to the media
Randomize