she is unbelievable! ever pee on a girl?
not while she was awake
i knew she was high when she broke up the cookies into her glass of milk and ate it like cereal
yeah, and then after the convo was clearly over, my dad decides to scream "SIZE MATTERS" just to make things even more uncomfortable.
I just can't bring boyfriends home.
My cousin had a baby so we have to look at it. Apparently the event is byob
i woke up and the dog was eating spaghetti off my chest.
She said she couldn't sleep with a guy who had blood stains on his ceiling. I tried to explain it wasn't my blood, but she still left :(
It was my penance. God came down to me in the form of an angel and said, "you must atone for your sins, by puking in your mouth at church right before communion"
I'm on the bus, watching a girl shush her balloons.
I seriously think I may just have to live here. In this bed. Naked.
Just got a 200 dollar safe, two jars, and a 500 pack of rubber bands.. This doesn't SCREAM drug dealer does it?
...you should fill the cart some more
So you're saying you don't want to be with her anymore because she likes sex to much and is just to hot?
Well when you say it that way it makes me sound like an idiot.
You are an idiot.
YOU CANT FOOL THE TOILET
never planned on seeing last weekend's one night stand again, much less be on the same plane as him..
We have GOT to stop getting stoned and going out for expensive dinners.
look, im sorry that i yelled at your little brother, threw my car keys at him and smashed a stale cookie with a pool cue, but i swear to god i didn't poop on the floor. it was one of your dogs.
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