I just walked into a tree. I think it's time to go home.
Text. Mid BJ. 8 points.
Do you have any cake mix? I kind of need to make a "im sorry i drank all your parents tequila, threw up all over your floor and slept with you boyfriend" cake.
I peed while puking? Even better
Yes you most deff did. Ultimate multi tasker you are
I just saw a girl walk by me wearing a "kiss me I'm pro choice" shirt. Is that a signal for easy access?
WTF WHY ARE YOU STILL NOT DOING A BEER BONG?! THE TOILET CLOG CAN WAIT
No, this is a senior booty call. It cannot be ignored.
Her boobs take up a lot of room so God had to skimp on the brains
God I need to stop before there's a picture of my dick on my mom's phone.
seriously the second he called my tits warlocks was the second I knew I wasn't going to fuck him.
I miss forts and drugs that made me believe in unicorns...
If you don't see me at the bar tomorrow night, I was most likely captured by the communists.
We need to step in, this can't continue. The guy she went home with last night looked exactly like Count Olaf, right down to the unibrow.
Which version tho, Jim Carrey or Neil Patrick Harris?
THAT DOESN'T FUCKING MATTER, YOU DON'T FUCK COUNT OLAF!!!
She has an alarming number of pictures with cat ears but the sex is amazing.
Just convinced the cute guy from class that I have prostate cancer. GET ME OUT OF THIS TOWN!
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