i got turned down by a girl after she saw how big my penis was and she said "thats not goin in me"
Who is John, and why is his named carved into our toilet?
I hate how you keep a running list of people who have seen me naked.
oh yeah I know that guy. he's legit. slept in my closet a few times
i have a wrist watched drawn on my wrist that it says shot o clock
hr gave me pretxwk salad and a doubke shot of grey goose. i approve! tou guys are a beautidil couple.
i figured out i could get from the downstairs bar to the upstairs bar AND grab pizza by going through the kitchen. it was the greatest discovery of my life besides the flabongo.
He told me I was 100% better then porn then passed out nto the cake
buying a tattoo gun on ebay just sounded like a good idea at the time idk man
The cleaning lady has moved my vibrator twice now so I would say I'm pretty ready to move out.
Well, let's just say, I got that eye patch like we were joking about
I looked so sad that Jessica gave me a bar of soap. So that's where I'm at.
Walking into her house she felt something in her bra.... It was a used condom. Sadly enough this is not the first or last time it will happen. It's time for an intervention.
FYI there's a girl here with happy daddy written on her tits
I Projectile vomited a massive question mark on Brent's bedroom wall. Don't tell him it was me. I want him to play the whodunit game.
Randomize
