Omg. I just woke up in a room full of naked people
she told me I give head better than a lesbian. I know it's a great compliment but it kind of threw me off.
i googled waterboarding like you asked. as long as you do it outside. we have carpet. but i wont be a part of it.
Margaritas are 250 calories. Now measuring all food in margaritas
Apparently I was trying to convince him Springsteen has had buttsex. I ended the argument with "I bet he came from it too."
We're too lazy too send a pic of out balls. Just assume this is a pic of our balls and respond accordingly.
I walked in on her just letting her nose bleed into her friend's hands
I'm drunk and you're awesome. let's stay this way forever.
Dude, fuck the siberian warm up. You can't put vodka in hot chocolate. Learn from my mistakes
Dammit labor day drinking cancelled due to 3 inch long table saw cut to palm
You need to be more adventurous.
I am! Just not in a "I wanna get diseases" way
You can't have your cake and publicly stick your dick in it too
I like to send nudes ok? If that's my biggest flaw I think I'm ok
So then I got so stoned I sat and took my pulse for 10 minutes.
It was sweet, he carried me out of my bathroom after I passed out, built me a pillow fort so I wouldn't roll out of bed, set a glass of water on the table, and brought me a mixing bowl to puke in. Totally a sign we're more than just fuckbuddies.
Randomize
