Note to self. Champagne flavored lube is neither as tasty nor as classy as one might think.
can you explain why there is a dead rabbit in my front seat?
idk, I had a turtle in mine.
We were making out and then he stopped and said to me, "Your ship is right there, why don't you take your people and just go?"
She puked in the bank of America parking lot? Awesome.
Yeah, figured I'd deposit my check while we were there.
Weekdays seemed more exciting when I had a drinking problem. Like I had something to look forward to at night.
At 4am he sent "uree asss ize anmazin"
walk of shame into the pharmacy with a busted up chin and laughing the lady at the counter rolled her eyes at me when I asked for the morning after pill.
Since he's sober and out of jail, he acts like we are the worst people on Earth. Fuck him, the only acceptable time in life to do coke is the early twenties. He won't take that from us.
You got the whole drunk bus to sing, "In The Jungle" while conducting with your glowsticks.
There's a bachlorette party going on at the bowling alley, so we'll see who wins greatest shitshow tonight.
I started the day with dreams of getting laid and ended it with the reality of eating Taco Bell in my bed with my dog.
I LACK THE NECESSARY BRAIN FUNCTIONS TO BE ABLE TO PROPERLY RESPOND TO THAT
Doing a walk of shame at Wal-Mart at 3:30am because when I left at 11pm I was getting milk
If everyone felt the happiness from apple crown royal we would be in a better place
I don't know if it was the movie or the drugs but after i watched it i wore the same spongebob shirt to school for two weeks and stopped showering
Randomize
