He wouldn't know what to do with his penis even if they made a "how to get a blowjob for dummies" guide
you made cement angels. it was a great sight.
right before he came he said "im ganna fill your stocking" nothing like holiday spirit!!
I woke up 25 minutes ago and have been high for 20. Impressive?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You stood up gave the stripper 15 ones in a wad, hugged her and then sat back down.
I feel like my lungs want to punch me in the vagina.
is that even a sentence?
Met my future wife peeing in the men's room. I stood in for the missing door on the stall. We really hit it off talking about how her butt didn't even touch the seat from all the years of squat lifting in high school.
FYI: telling a guy his dick is more impressive than you remembered it - they don't take it as a compliment.
if I was any more soft right now, my penis would be a liquid
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Thanks to a poorly written tweet a whole bunch of people thought I died last night.
I mean, as I was vomiting in front of a giant crucifix I became acutely aware of my poor choices
All you need is a handful of lube and an open mind
My brother is so high right now he's eating frozen peas and called them "fucking delightful"
I'm very disappointed that your kitten almost ate my weed cake...
I got so drunk last night that I was drunk in my dream. Good night
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