It's a law of Nature, girls naturally hate eachother. It's only when there's no competition for a mate that they can hate each other a little less and then are appropriated into the "BFF" slot.
That's the great thing about NY, if you pee your dress you have an entire cab ride to air dry your panties before the next club.
this weekend will be like the season finale to my life
I wish I could put booze in boobs and store it for later. I wouldn't need a flask. For $7000, they should do amazing things like that.
Maybe your new years resolution should be not to fuck in Sears bathroom anymore.
Why do I only have half my beard? My chin is so naked...
I should probably go to bed before I start to care about why I started drinking in the first place.
After you bought Jesus' name tag off him at the Mexican restaurant you commenced to stumbling around the lobby showing anybody who would listen what would Jesus do.
Stop giving me tequila.
I think that was him coming out to me. I just brushed it off
the cops accepted 42 wallaby way Sydney. and the cops, and cab driver accepted the new address. please tell the win i am experiencing
Ran out of plates, so I'm using my sociology notes. Looks like they will finally have a practical use.
The girl who comes up after me always strips to Lana Del Rey. I didn't think working in a strip club could be any more depressing.
Why is our fridge full of girl scout cookies and rum?
You told me to go grocery shopping.
Like a gentleman I waited until you were done vomming to start my Big Mac.
I didn't have anyone to cheers so I tapped my beer on your fish tank... a little too hard
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