He was crying to my sister about feeling like a bad person. Then he groped my breasts.
he wanted me to dress up like someone from lord of the rings. I dumped him.
Buying weed on Christmas. Gotta love Jewish drug dealers
you had sex with a 30 year old who doesn't have a cell phone but does have an 8 year old son.
he's 29.
She hadn't heard about the oil spill. She gave dumb blondes a whole new standard to aim for. I did her anyway...but that isn't the point.
Can you bring me a pair of sunglasses to the bathroom please... Don't judge me.
I just told you I can't. My fingers are melting. I have discovered the high.
Well, at first I was really confused. But then I realized that he was talking from his penis's perspective... in third person.
His roommate just snorted a line of Smirnoff off the desk. I could really fit in here.
Just saw a crackhead get taken down by pd in the canal. Its offically spring
Remember that time you bought snap bracelets on Amazon and they sent you 300 pregnancy tests instead? Amazon knows.
Listen I'm a sentimental character under all this alcohol and ratchetry
I'm turning into an adult here.
Adults touch each other's special zones.
I almost had sex at the fire station last night and I need you to acknowledge all the awesomeness that is in that sentence.
I just woke up hand cuffed to the bar and shirtless, so yeah I think I need you to come get me.
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