Who goes to Church hungover
Those who weren't lucky enough to go still drunk
I just jerked it to the same porn two nights in a row... and she says I have problems with commitment...
I just realized that "Hey girl, when you gonna let me tap that?" is in iambic pentameter. I'm going to write a poem...
There is a guy standing at my bar right now wearing an affliction SUIT. I can't wait on him.
boobs and vodka. thats all i can remember, finals week needs to stop ending like this..
I have reached the point in my life where I realized this is what I'm going to do for the rest of my life. Eat, shit , bar, drink, drank, drunk.
She just kept introducing me to people by telling them which of their friends I've fucked
This is going to be the time I got green body paint on Chris' ceiling all over again...
We are magical, pot smoking, smart as hell, single as fuck, woodland dolphins.
Walked in the bathroom at work and my boss was taking a shit with the stall wide open and responded "oh yeah, I forgot you never have been to prison "
Not sure but if it exists I will find it and I will fill my face with it
Do u have any idea how hard it is to masturbate in a CVS bathroom when your name is being called over the speakers to pick up a prescription for painkillers?
You do it and I'll burn these mermaid pants so help me God.
I really need to get to the point where I can poop at his house. I’ve taken three shits on the way home already.
This is why we can never be just regular friends. The shit we do is not regular
Randomize
