Have fun with your cool freestyling girlfriend!
She can rap better than you any day
there's just something about her that screams "i'm into chicks who wear flannel"
How long do you need to date somebody until it is acceptable to fart in their presence?
The real question is how long do you need to date them to dutch oven them?
You peed for a solid 5 minutes last night and turned around halfway through to give everyone watching a thumbs up
I'm surrounded by 3 year olds in tutus. They are far too innocent to be within at least 500 ft of me.
if that's jizz on my steering wheel i'm gonna be pissed...and impressed.
I wiped my blood on their walls screaming "IT'S NOT MY SECURITY DEPOSIT!"
You left me with no money to have random Chicago sex. The least you can do is pick me up an egg mcmuffin on your walk of shame back to the hotel.
Don't talk about his dick. That's mine. There's a copyright on it. Use with permission
Katie told the cabby "when the boat docks I'm getting off with you"
I'm hurting so bad I actially had to wait for my mini wheats to get soggy before I could eat them..
It's Been a while since I puked in vomit bush. I hope it doesn't feel neglected
I can't wait to get home and drunk cuddle your dog
I remember telling you that I think Taylor Swift has stolen my essence. I still think that's true.
I know that whole thing was awkward. Not worth the piece of cake.
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