She def said "you had your chance!" after telling me she had a boyfriend. Like a pile of dogshit lecturing me on how I missed out on having itself stuck to the bottom of my shoe.
while fucking on the counter the whip cream was conveniently right next to us. i love thanksgiving
your ability to fuck hot guys even when you go out in sweats amazes me
I know the scar will be in an obvious place, that's why I'm certain it'll score me cancer blowjobs
i must've hopped out the car and eaten some leaves...even when your'e drunk that's not acceptable
Your doorknob is in my back seat, in case you were looking for it.
French people screaming and throwing stuff out the window. We told the manager and he's pissed and going up there. This is gonna be like cops. Maybe better than cops.
She wouldn't put out on the first date. I think my boner put a hole in my mattress.
Note to self: Don't go home with a recent divorcee. Semen and tears.
At least you get to smell pizza at your job. I just smell despair all day long.
you stuck pieces of bread to your face with peanut butter and asked if it looked like you had a facial yeast infection.
ohhhh that's why they asked me to leave...
People were staring and acting all judgmental and offended... Like they've never seen anyone breastfeed in a liquor store.
everything in the house taste like gin even the water, friday nite was a success
I'm going to pretend you don't watch My Little Pony and focus on your large cock. Kay? Don't bring it up again.
You sat on me. Like I was a toilet. While I was on the toilet. You peed a little.
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