Ooooh. That's not a mole. Uncomfortable.
I cant wait for the day that I tell my daughter I named her after my favorite porn star.
mom and dad are asleep. time to fish my half-full bottle of wine out from under my bed and give this christmas visit a pick-me-up.
"half-full" seems a little optimistic for the turn your night is taking.
One is full of apple juice. One is full of tequila. This is real russian roulette my friend.
That one dude should feel honored if he were to get herpes from you. Fuck that Guy. He is a herpe.
tonights mission is daddy issue patrol - we wear old spice and drink gin martinis and see who reacts.
Drank for free all night and I'm not even sleeping w the bartender. What is this magic?
I'm not sure what exactly you were planning, but you kept yelling that we were going to need a lot of midgets and a lawyer.
alright well Taco Bell Closes at 12 so you better pray to god she's asleep by then or I'm running in your house butt ass naked with a bag of tacos
im drinking out of a pineapple, so yea.
I think when your throwing up on the highway on the way to pick up your mom from the airport is a sign to slow down.
i black out too much to be "responsible"
i didnt realize that your first thought would be SEXUALIZING BREAD
Woke up next to a slice if pizza. From what i can tell I tried to plug it into my phone charger. No more blackout wednesdays for this girl.
She actually made an event on facebook for tomorrow when she does a pregnancy test, 8 people are attenting so far
Randomize
