Have you ever noticed that nowhere is the same thing as now here, i get my best ideas when i smoke
i dont know whats so great about being respectable.
Is masturbating to pics of your ex on Facebook considered cheating?
You are proof that most things are best left unsaid.
I drank mimosas and played bocce ball in the middle of finals week...now i know how Comm majors feel all the time.
life is no where near the amusement park it was when I was on Vicodin.
My 16 year old coworker just told me I should take my job more seriously after she watched me puke in the backroom trash can. Fuck teenagers with morals.
I might have been fine if i had magic teleportation powers and could have skipped the car ride between bar and home
I mean, I introduced myself as "the after party". I think he knew early in the night he was in for a bangathon.
This is the third time my roommate and I have drunkenly hooked up. I'm starting to think she's not as straight as she says she is.
lost my vibrator and now I have to masturbate manually. The struggle is fucking real.
These flip flops mean I'm casual, but I'm here to fuck.
I'm disappointed in the internet. It's two days and there's still no fanfiction based off that Manning/Beckham commercial.
You don't even like football
When I told her I was deaf and took my hearing aids out at night to sleep, she said it must be nice not having to hear drunken roommates having awkward sex late at night.
Dont you look at me in that tone of voice
All I did today was eat pizza and use my vibrator.
Randomize
