I've only been here for an hour and I've already made 6 babies cry.
Happy Birthday
so i just realized i am an alcoholic. I was making some tomato soup because im still sick, and put vodka in it. sad huh? lets go out!
Accidentally peeing a little on the couch in the middle of a sneeze is way different from railing a random on our waffle counter. I am the better roommate.
DONT EVER DUNK OREOS INTO WINE . NEVER
I forgot if I was chewing my gum or my tongue
You gotta buy me dinner first. Or smoke me out. Both are equally chivalrous
Drinking and pointing where stuff needs to go is hard stuff.
This is a mass text. I will facerape you if you bring me Fierce Melon Gatorade and 4 D batteries.
It's funny because every time I go up and down the stairs it's an adventure. A A DRUNK ADVENTURE. PS I ALREADY THREW UP WTF
Watching a bear prancing around in a tiara is worth a loss of bar time.
I had a sex with someone last night and I was so drunk. i told him to tell me his whole name so I can say it back to him in a "sexy" way.... Because I forgot it
why is there a shopping cart in my back seat? and a dick drawn on the side of my car?
I wrote notes to myself all over my body. "don't yell at cops again" "Cody stole your phone" "you kissed Cody" "vodka shots are bad for your liver" and "cactus pretty" WTF????
I'm worried about us. We are almost 30 and we still drink jaeger bombs till we black out. Wait, no I'm not. I'm excited about us.
I must be pretty memorable. I was walking past this dude and he goes "There's the Scotch Girl." I have ZERO clue who he is, but I'm definitely the Scotch Girl.
Randomize
