I woke up this morning with I hate myself feeling
I just told someone i was in "addition and subtraction 160".......and they believed me.
Fuck positive energy. I choose drinking instead,
Fuck you. You would only tell me how to get to your house in Spanish.
Like. There is beer on the other side of that door and 6 yards in. If he's not back in 20 minutes to let me in, I am using this tree as a battering ram.
Sitting on the curb by new england comics with a weeping drunk girl who's eating french fries saying she'll never be as successful as her sister the hand model. She's scaring the nerds.
He's probably hung over. I sure as hell am. I want to pop out my eyeballs with a fork and soak them in cold water
I feel a whole lot better than i did this morning at 3 when one of my roommates discovered me slightly aware of my surroundings and naked in the bath tub with the shower on
maby next time we don't finish the whole box wine just because it tastes like shit
My chest smells like french fries. Get at me attractive men.
I picked up the bartender so he could open the bar early and ended up with him giving me a ride home when he closed. I like snowdays and everything, but they get really expensive. Also, I think I threw up on his front door. Not checking.
Let's knock shit down like godzilla and have intense sex in the rubble
I'm high. ignore me
Free stuff before I even put his balls in my mouth like wow great start
I HAD TO TAKE A SHOT OF JAGER AND SOME REDBULL JUST TO SEE IF IT’LL MAKE MY MOUTH FEEL BETTER
he was wearing a widestriped red gingham suit jacket with complete sincerity im not surprised she beat the shit out of him
I have a few Facebook friends I only keep around for quality control purposes on Tinder
Randomize
