I'm at a Mexican Walmart. Wish you were here.
You act like I was drinking alone...I had the entire Verizon network with me
So tasty. Tasty like a vagina with ninjas in it
Its ok. I handled the situation with grace and class. lol jk i got shitfaced and fucked his roomate.
seeing two freshman taking a cab home at noon on a Monday makes me realize how much worse my life choices could have been
I'm wearing a suit and have no chance of getting laid or robing a casino. I consider this opportunity a failure
Turns out the creepy dude who bought us tequila shots was the friend of a friend who then got us a table and several large bottles of champagne.
Never judge a man by his mustache.
If someone told me one person in the department was secretly a death eater, I would suspect her, no contest.
but I'm still not sure how you became more and more fluent in Spanish the drunker you got
I just did a walk of shame on my own block. one of the old neighbors saw and greeted me "good morning, girl next door"
I'm now using my vagina for good, not evil. Trying to restore balance to the force.
Im going to seductively wisper "that butters my biscuit" in your ear
I think my pickup truck has been used for the sex... This doesn't sit right with me.
I know you told me I shouldn't go see him...that's why I'm texting you letting you know I made it home safe from his house this morning
Just got high with dad
Correction: more high. He's sharing gummy bears with me.
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