I'm eating all of the evidence.
eh.. i should've known it was headed downhill after he used the phrase "pussy sundae"
My mind says no, but my body says yes.
What does your body say about chlamydia?
And I wrote a rap so it was actually a productive afternoon minus not paying our bills.
I've had enough of this chick, she wanted to cuddle after giving me a handjob. I feel like I'm in junior high
Whatever is fine with me, as long as I am dressed in green and end up shitfaced.
Welp, she's chewing our paper towels again. She's like an obnoxiously hot puppy
He came in like 30 seconds. That's how I know he hasn't been cheating on me while I've been gone
He just found another high guy at wal-mart. There now friends. His friend is eating a cupcake
Piecing together the sordid story from witness accounts and photographic evidence, courtesy of Fcebook. My night included Mojitos, lighting the bar on fire and declaring myself the Queen of Nerds when I stole someone's flashing tiara. Woke up this morning with a velvet cape and plastic scepter to match. Mojitos are awesome!
her wearing orange crocs at the bar was definitely a great form of contraception
Why were my jeans in the freezer of the mini fridge, and how long have they been in there? On another note, I found my teacher's ID badge.
We're making a scrapbook of dick pics, you want in or what?
I need to be her Aladdin, and show her the world. The sex world.
He's tiny, but ripped. Like a stacked hobbit. He's going to pull our sexy, crime-fighting rickshaw.
Randomize
