Grilled cheese is the best thing. ever. better than boys, and alcohol, and sex, and chocolate, and money. But not really the last two.
guess where i woke up this morning? If you guessed the hospital, you sir are correct.
you rubbed the head of my dick and said "I shall call you Squishy and you shall be mine and you shall be my Squishy."
He kept saying it was because he was allergic to the chicken. Then he threw up on my mom.
Just saw my father's penis. Don't know what to say.
Next test. Underwater blowjob. If you fail...out of water blow job
i caught myself talking to a pigeon about my yeast infection.
I mean Grimace is basically just a big piece of purple shit and he is loved way more than the hamburglar just to put it into perspective
just cuz theres a goalie doesnt mean i cant commandeer the goal and become a way better goalie
Chipotle. Because when you've had diarrhea for 6 days why not just make it 7
the bar didnt serve shots so jim ordered us jaeger neat. it worked.
He offered me a trade. He'll come sober to my parents 25th anniversary dinner if I let him tie me up for an hour.
Update. bondage is a lot harder than it looks.
He understood my need for pizza was more important than my need for sex. He's the one.
so in addition to the two guys I slept with last night, and the third that I turned down this morning, a fourth has appeared. best Valentine's Day ever.
I've peed in two sinks in the past two weeks. No one should be able to say that.
Randomize
