I'm sorry my penis didn't work
U know its gonna be a great day when the guy at the liquor store waves at u cause u walked by
lesson #67 learned in college: a three day old margarita, is still a margarita.
She told me she cured her bulemia by popping hydrocodone after she ate. that way she would be rewarded for not puking. I like the way she thinks
Girl next to me in class just said to her friend "and I haven't even cried yet." Challenge accepted
He kept buying me shots of tequila. I decided to just save myself the half hour of toilet hugging and tell him straight up that I intended on sleeping with him. We got Tacos on the way home with all the money we saved.
I'll call you tomorrow. I'm ok and back i love you goodnight.
I stole a bike. Here's a pic
i just snorted adderall with my patient's rolled up EKG strip from our last clinical. nursing school has ruined me. thought you would appreciate this.
Just drove by where I lost my sausage gravy virginity
If you can't accept me drawing a Santa hat on your penis then we can't be friends
I thought I would be a proper lady and put my spare panties in a ziplock
I drank too much tequila. I'm hyperventilating. Send help. I think I slipped through satan's asshole.
He took my Spanx off and still fucked me twice. I call that success.
Why were you naked on your bathroom floor?
It was a "get entirely naked to take a shit" kind of blackout I think.
I woke up at her place in a kids bed hearing Sesame Street. She doesn't have kids!
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