He can hate all he wants but were fucking with these crocs on
she says her boyfriend and her dignity are both out of town tonight
He was sitting at the table eating ice and said, "I'm pretty sure everyone in my family has nipples."
i was just offered a 40 day sex challenge. prepare for the best 40 days of your life.
oh. my. god. yes.
I am not going to ask my mother to pause a movie so I can have phone sex.
I love that your last three texts to me were "Drunk." "Getting laid." "In the hospital."
Marshall is naming all the elements of my face. I love science nerds.
Guess who figured out you can fit an entire bottle of champagne in a big Subway cup. Open container laws my ass.
Nothing says "I Love you" like my dick in a pizza box
My stuff that was at your place last night smells like doughnuts. I'm not even mad.
must go to store soon wiping with panty liner ugh
But of course I'm in. After all, what fun would the holidays be without trying to find the perfect gift to impress someone you've never met, but need the approval of??
All boys are excommunicated from my vagina until further notice.
lol hangovers are for mortals.
My vagina measures dicks. It's accurate to the half inch.
Randomize
