guess who just trotted in eating her oats and wagging her penis
I found out what happened to that girls weave last night. It was draped over a bush in my backyard.
Ripped lines in the bathroom before my presentation.. Got bonus marks for my enthusiasm.. This is why I love drugs
Hon, I found you crying into a bathrobe in the back of a closet with a broken shoerack.
His parents know me as "the white shoed screamer"
Which outfit says "I'm sorry for your loss but we're still banging later"?
just saw a guy snowshoeing to the liqour store
was it you?
...yes
He either works for the Irish Mob or I'm being Catfished
We were escorted through the guys dorm by 5 kids with nerf guns and zelda shields. I felt like the president with a fucked up secret service squad.
Who has the safety vest from this past weekend Additionally, who has the dancemaster glove?
and everyone will high five me and girls will approach me offering blowjobs
He yelled "HOO-ah!" like Al Pacino when he pulled down his pants. Trust me, he has every right to.
He said a lot of nice things about me, it was really uncalled for.
was i wearing any clothes at that point?
socks and a thong
We're in an alley with a psychic wizard, shes reading our palms
Randomize
