it tastes like there's a party in my mouth and everyone is throwing up
I just told the 2nd grade class leprechauns are the children of midgets.
I just realized I had sex more when i looked like a fat elton john. Fuck my life.
bad to tell him im pregnant over fbook chat?
get home. someone threw up in the fishtank last night.
Where else am I to apply my creativity?
I don't know. Anywhere productive and not involving sex toys would be a start.
letting you know, as a good neighbor, that when your windows open and your shade is up we can hear and see you dancing naked to money maker... nice boobs
thank you for reminding me that I stumbled into a public place drunk at 9am wearing a chicks pants.
Come get her ASAP. She's "people bowling," which is just her rolling into random groups of people. People look pissed.
It was the best of bangs; it was the worst of bangs.
I'm having a really difficult time dealing with the fact that my dog now shares a name with Snooki's crotch-spawn.
Look. If you're going to be my girlfriend you need to be down with me licking BBQ off your face infront of kids.
He expects to fuck my tits but will ignore me in public.
someone stole all your weed so you told us you were planning each of our deaths
There's a big difference between a penis and a toilet.
Randomize
