I found the orange juice, it was hiding in the vodka...trickster.
you should buy a sheep. A) you get an awesome pet. B) free coat
You were mumbling a lot and offered me 20 dollars to leave you alone
whoever threw up in my shampooo bottle is totally getting defriended on facebook.
i tried to stop you. you just kept saying your split ends needed punishment.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You didn't want to have sex last night because you said your grandpa just died and you didn't want him watching..
I just found cold cuts in the blender. You and beefeater can no longer have unsupervised parties.
incase your class ends early, there are three naked guys in our room. but don't get too excited, they're all gay.
I can't believe I've come to a point in my life where sex for a birthday present is acceptable
I just kept screaming "I'm fucking a preacher's son!" Also, this water tastes like weed.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My dad just sent me a text reminding me to bring the family beer pong championship belt. Thanksgiving 2012 just got real
So I went tanning and I burned my boobs.
They're like sad pomegranates.
I mean, I introduced myself as "the after party". I think he knew early in the night he was in for a bangathon.
we're at the bar celebrating my ex bootycall getting his new gf pregnant... and me narrowly escaping a future as kitty foreman
Haha. I found pics last week of me getting motorboated by a girl while i was taking a shot. Hahaha in my wedding dress. Classy
I was just at Kroger and saw some guy with a steelers balloon... ran up to him and popped it. NO RAGRETS.
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