no it's cool...i'm just drinking and studying...cool night
I just woke up under a kitchen table with my sandals taped to my feet and a corona bottle taped to my hand..
I wasn't expecting a boner of this magnitude
You just kept taking about baking cornbread and doing your physics. Even drunk assed random you is a better student than me.
She woke up with blood running down her face and asked the EMS guy where the keg was
She is trying to turtle bite me and when I pull away she says just let it happen. Then she pulled a poptart out of nowhere
Ok seriously I'm living off of bologna but I have 4 handles in the freezer.
In other words, he somehow found his way to my apartment, wasted, and was naked on my new couch. Completely naked. It was too special to pass up.
If it's not soft enough to fuck on, then we're not getting the new rug.
He said in a slur "I go so hard, even when I..." and cut himself off by projectile vomiting all over the ice luge.
My concierge just asked me to his place for dinner while I was signing for a delivery. The delivery was a box of vibrators. Let's discuss.
Apparently I really was petting a bunny named lazarus in Jimmy Johns last night.
If I get laid tonight it will 1.) Prove that the sex gods do in fact exist, and 2.) Show that I am one motherfucking badass bitch.
You know, normal sex stuff involves shitting your pants. If you do it right.
I just wanna fuck your brother. Sorry if thats a crime.
Randomize
