let's skip the party, and just play drunken wii, again. its time to give my vag a break.
i just got cockblocked by a guy drinking wine straight out of the bottle with a straw...
Please know that I fully expect you to help me steal a bed if I have a bad breakup.
I feel like a squirrel prepping for the winter on dollar beer nights.
i should teach a seminar on how to fall off the wagon
Also, I am ligit concerned that I might compulsively start collecting vibrators like Pokemon.
Finally hooked up w/ that yoga instructor chick. Got a little more than I expected. Like a full on bush more than I expected. How do you tell a girl that her bush scares you?
we played a my little pint drinking game. It was awesome.
He always takes me to get taco bell after we hook up in his car. It's sort of become a booty call tradition.
My dad picked me up from the bus station and as soon as he saw me he yelled "bus backwards is SUB!" and started laughing, I'm like 800% sure he's stoned. I'm so happy I came home for spring break.
I woke up in confetti... confetti and shame
No, just kidding. But your faith in me to throw a lesbian bridal shower makes me think I an pull it off. To the LGBT bar!
The sad part is I didn't even want to get laid. I just wanted the emotional connection, but my vagina was screaming "TOUCH ME. TOUCH ME RIGHT NOW BECAUSE MY DADDY ISSUES ARE MUCH DEEPER THAN MY EMOTIONAL NEEDS!" Vodka has a way of getting me out of my emotions and gets me fucked every time.
So, Cheetos don't microwave great.
Yes I’m serious. I just worked YOUR 12 hour shift on 3 hours of sleep if you come over without tacos and an ice cream cake in hand we are done
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