if you're gona send my txt to that site at least change my area code plz
I just saw a stripper wear a tube top around her floppy gut. God bless Michigan.
So this text is costing me two dollars because I'm out of the country, but I just wanted to let you know it went well with the stripper last night
the brownie started to kick in before i finished the essay... it became a race against my own increasing intoxication
He hit on a bridal shower w/ his hand on my tit the entire time. Gave his number to the mom.
When they say "all expenses paid" does that include bail?
The more and more I drink I keep rationalizing banging eye patch girl
Dude id rather jerk off w a fist full of bee's than deal with that girl that never stops talking.
That chick went from zero to shitshow in only 6 shots.
Don't even start with me. You know damn well if you walked into a bathroom with two girls naked in the shower you would stay too. Regardless how drunk I was or whether or not you were my ride.
So many Oreos I'm regretting this decision already but I'm happy at the same time...The straddle is real
Struggle. Not straddle. I'm not straddling anyone.
I woke up knowing I have nowhere to be today except parties and it was glorious and I am so happy
And today, on Faces I'd Like to Sit On .... The starting line up of the German National Football team
you blew the guy with all the harry potter paraphanelia didn't you
Don't read too much into what I just sent. I love you, always have, but I'm drunk and sorry for the confusion.
Which part? The boyfriend or the sex?
Boyfriend. SEX IS ON!!!
Randomize
