At a straight bar and poker face just came on...must...resist....urge to gay it up
Why would that come on at a straight bar? I thought they just played Don't Stop Believin and Wonderwall on repeat
great sex! but now the fight over who sleeps on the wet spot starts.
You dont ever try to use your dick as a power washer to get bits of poop of the toilet bowl?
new rule: cockblock me if I have had over a fifth of jack. no matter what.
i don't think i ever formally apologized for that time i threw up on your dog.... well...here it is...
You spent most of the night crying and throwing leftover meatballs at the neighbors dogs
We convinced the Dj to let us play musical chairs...... I won by the way.
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
Trying to figure out what I just puked. Demon weed is salad. No more drunk buffets.
Yeah, tell that to my thumb. Cause it was up my ass all night waiting for you.
She just got on the scale. frowned, got off and took off her pants and then got back on
Dashing through the vodka, in a tinder swiping rage, all the fuck boys get a no, laughing all the way.
VIVE LA RESISTANCE
Oh god, what now?
I texted him "my vagina is pounding for you"
I know, you made me proof read it.
Just filed for child support I hope he gets the paperwork on Father's Day
Randomize
