sometimes in life you just needs hand puppets
Ate pizza for the 3rd time today, can't decide if that's disgusting or an amazing aspect of American culture.
If you ever bitch out on 72oz margarita night again, this friendship is over
I went on my dinner date pretending that my lunch date didn't jizz in my hair.
We are going to need a water proof camera with a flash....exit routes....lots of booze.....and a tutu for good measure
wait no I wore my bra home that morning. I stole someone's bra last night?
I just realized, I'm going to be on my period for the end of the world. FUCK.
Sadly he is straight as an arrow that is designed by a robot computer from the future with lasers.
This saddens me. Mostly because I want to see the schematics on that robot.
Do you think Brian would let me smoke while we fuck? I'm not sure ill survive exams without a constant nicotine intake
I just had to call my mom to come pick me up stoned at a Lana's house and beg her to buy me Taco Bell. I'm graduating from college in 14 hours. Fuck
It's always nice when a total stranger hates your ex just as much as you think they should.
I'm too old for chlamydia. That's for 20 year olds who go to clubs and do drugs I've never heard of.
If you're going to do that you're going to need a pleather suit.
When's the best time to point out that all of my orgasms this year have been self-administered? Valentine's day?
We celebrated Cinco the right way. We took shots of 1800 then he fucked me while Selena was on TV in the background
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