just tell him i said nine months
I finally had sex with him last night, but we used a condom so it doesn't add to my number of sexual partners.
He said I was almost as good as the wheel chair sex he had the night before. Apparently I just cant compete with 4 wheels
Well. It was around 3 or 4 in the morning. He ran into the woods. Wearing moccasins. Holding an extension cord. He was trying to catch a deer. That about sums up the awesomeness of the night.
Delete that photo of me. My ass looks WAY to good it in to be on Facebook for everyone to see. You gotta earn that shit.
Really because I got kicked out the eagles game for running up n down the steps singing ' fly eagles fly ' then punched a Dallas fan in the face before the game even started..
i wasnt laughing because you were puking, i was laughing because three yards away there was a couple seriously getting it on
continuing my moment killer tradition in the best possible way
I just overheard this sorority girl saying "It's like trick or treting but for alcohol and with no costumes." I'm jealous.
I'm reliable. I always make it home. I always throw up in the street too.
He's so urbane and sleek; so aesthetically chiseled, having endless features to offer me whenever I desire.
Are you fucking a guy or a condo building?
I took it upon myself to take one shot of tequila to have an excuse for hitting on my not-single coworker. It worked.
We just took an Eskimo family picture.. It's pretty cute honestly
They ran out of toilet paper so I used the rug to wipe my vagina
I slept with six men with different nationalities this week. Who says I'm not a woman of culture?
I seriously just rolled a joint on my high school diploma. I feel like I've come so far.
Randomize
