I just walked by a ginger with a mullet. I repeat GINGER mullet. So help us God.
If you want to dance with a less than stellar Asian chick, I have just the girl for you.
Your favorite bartender is back from prision
they got in a fight during sex...she came out yelling and covered in chocolate
Hey. I found $5 in quarters from one of those state quarter collection books. I'm using it for food tomorrow.
did anyone else see me puking into my coat sleeve?
I have learned that if you don't want to hook up with the guy who walked you home, food is great compensation.
i spent my morning giving relationship advice to the kid i had sex with on a kitchen table this weekend
Obviously. I'm here to let you eat things off my boobs and help you get laid.
I have seriously seen way too may DIY cut off jean booty shorts and half shirts on fat girls this summer. Fuck you Pinterest.
No amount of beer will make me feel better about this. It's time for Emergency Whisky
I walked into her room to find her sitting on the end of her bed with her heads in her hands talking to herself. She kept muttering things like "What? How? No. What? I don't --- How?" $10 says she's pregnant.
I'll see to your $10 and raise you $40.
Take the weirdness of Japan and add the insanity of Florida and that's Jimmy
How to not get laid: tell him he reminds you of your brother. While having sex. Thanks, vodka.
i just used a selfie stick to take an ass pic. i hate myself.
Randomize
