I woke up this morning and the first thing i saw was the harry potter tattoo on his left butt cheek.
i wanted to tell my neighbors to shut up it was 4am, but listening to her rag on him for his minute man routine was actually entertaining
Umm you don't wanna know how many "I'm sorry for calling you last night" fb wallposts I just had to write...
Giving the kids Children's Claritin and calling it candy.....Is it setting them up for drug abuse later?
i'm moving back early just in case the freshmen need a tour of the school
oh right the one that ends on your bed
Okay wait let me power puke and then we can go dancing
Then you started screaming that this was the first time you did e and that you had a 4.8 gpa, that was right before you almost suffocated between that one girl's tits.
No, but its not like diarrhea. i swear its like my intestines had a secret bank account and i just punched in the right pin.
Sorry I don't make house calls. You wanna get blown you come over here. It's like rock paper scissors but vagina ALWAYS beats penis
You disappeared for 10 minutes. Then came back with nothing but your boxers and a life jacket on to tell us we were all screwed when the flood came and you would be the only survivor.
I literally farted midsex as a siren for him to get the fuck off me.. No such luck.
By talk him into it I assume you mean blow him into it.
Apparently duct taping your dick to your buttcheks before the first time she goes down on you isn't as funny as projected. She cried because she thought I was a girl the whole time.
I think the best course of action at this point is to cut his balls off to get him to stop reproducing
It is NEVER not funny to me when I am sitting at a table and I've touched the dicks of every single person I'm sitting with.
Randomize
