she looked like the before picture.
Thanks for stranding me with th douchebag award recipients
he sent me a naked picture of himself. things got awkward really quickly. but on a positive note he shaved his chest
My sister came home, pulled two nalgene bottles of jaeger-bomb out of the fridge, changed out her 3 inch heels for 6 inch heels and left in under 3 minutes. I've never been more proud of her.
I am undressing in in n out. They migit ca5l security. Are you provn d6 me?
OH MY GOD. SO PROUD.
I've been watching porn with my cat lately. No shame
Talking to him sober hurts my brain
You should not have followed "the guy who peed in my bed" with "he smells good."
i think the realest test of our friendship is how hot your sister looks right now
Sorry if that was awkward, i will never call you sober ever again
Just realized tomorrow is the anniversary of the time Dean and I glued DJ's leg back together with Neosporin and an Ace bandage. I'm bringing red velvet cupcakes to the party to celebrate.
Chick in the kitchen making breakfast.. Yours or mine?
You were like a drunk and unconscious tickle me elmo.
They tried to get you to drink water and all you kept shouting was, "NO MORE LIQUIDS OF *ANY* KIND."
Just because my bed is easier to get to doesn't mean it's okay to fuck in.
Randomize
