can you take me to a tanning bed
sure, why though?
i have to go once so i can blame these herpes on the tanning bed and she won't get suspicious
Oh and fyi, I've been drinking and about to do free weights. I'll late you know how this goes.
I am not kidding you. There is an airport luggage cart overturned in my driveway. We need to stop going to the airport bar.
I don't think going to Relay for Life and painting our faces while everyone stares at us is a sufficent late night after the bars.
I thought she was being abused so tried to go in at the sympathy angle, but the bruises were from pole dancing. I went in at all angles.
Dude true life I died at the derby...I lost everyone I knew, went down a bourbon and mud slip and slide, lost my hat, fell off the roof of a porta potty, sprained my ankle and knee and then got arrested.
don't do it for the experience, do it for the story. now get your ass in that bedroom
Apparently duct taping your dick to your buttcheks before the first time she goes down on you isn't as funny as projected. She cried because she thought I was a girl the whole time.
don't give me stepladders when i'm stoned.. i woke up to a slice of balogna nailed to the ceiling
My cardio is walking around the office looking for free food.
It would be magical, all 2 min of it.
It was just a matte of pubes and mustard.
I'll screw just about anything, but I draw the line there
I just matched with a taco on tinder. Dreams come true.
He's throwing Skittles into my cleavage and some are rebounding into my crouch.
Well he's scoring either way then.
Randomize
