She looks like Robin Williams dressed as a frog.
Her gag reflex was as absent as a father figure must have been in her childhood
I puked off the balcony.
Not horrible
Into the hottub. There were six people in it. I had eaten all their pizza.
the point i decided it was time to leave was when i was on the floor of the bar, after taking her down with me, and a table.
I promise you I could read that dogs mind, he was arguing with the other dog saying he knows how fucked up I am
hey you forgot your wet suit in my room you can come grab it whenever
we are torturing ourselves with these mediocre cocks
I haven't been hungover in so long I'm actually looking forward to it
She just asked me if I was going to stay the night. I responded "I know that we are upside down".
Listen. You dont know how advanced you are in yoga till you have to shave your butthole
I'd like to buy a season pass to your dick please.
I gave myself a charlie horse masturbating this morning. I feel like that really set the tone for the day.
I can't believe it is only 1:30...I may have to stab myself with scissors for an excuse to go home...
How's moving going?
Uh, we're on the way to the store to buy more booze
He told me he loved me and I told him I shit myself
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