dude, i look like john mccains neck right now
Turns out "bordello" doesn't mean what I thought it did.
..now you can marry chaz and be in cher's family..
yeah n i dont have to pretend to be into chicks to do it now...
just got cropdusted by the delivery guy...this was not in my job description.
he suggested we appoligize to eachother. then do blow and painkillers & have ourselves a make-up party.
Went to the career fair today..I handed out many resumes to find out later that they say I have a bachelor o farts degree...Top that.
I want to apologize in advance in the event I put my boobs in your face
all i know is that i listed him in my phone as 'vagina cookies.' that can only be a good thing.
...And then you kept screaming "cock mouth" in her face every time she tried to talk.
DIN'T JUSGE NE.
I woke up with glitter in my wounds.
Is it a good time to tell him he's getting too clingy if he sent me a picture of my name spelled with Cheerios?
What drugs are we doing when you visit?
The correct answer is all the drugs because I just found out they have glow in the dark bubbles.
Please tell me that SOMEONE, SOMEWHERE, has created a drink called a 'Tequila Mockingbird'. PLEASE.
I just twinged a muscle in my shoulder trying to hug myself. In the world of loneliness-based injuries, this is a new low for me.
Randomize
