i've decided to use this saturday afternoon to take care of my pube situation
Vodka is such a love hate relationship.
Truer words have never been spoken.
he was playing drums on rock band as i poured bailey's into his mouth. tell me that's not a bonding moment.
Just so you're aware, tomorrow is "Slow Clap when you see Mike" day.
A burger king employee called me from your phone while you were on their bathroom floorl. Hope ur not in jail....4 realz
OH MY GOD DO YOU REMEMBER WISHBONE? DO YOU REMEMBER THAT LITTLE BITCH? WHAT'S THE STORY WISHBONE
How do I explain the handcuffs and tanning goggles on our living room floor? There's rope too. The cats love the rope.
You pretended to pelvic thrust my mother on the boat while my 92 year old grandmother looked on. Thanks.
I told him if he cums in my mouth he has to buy me a cake that says "sorry I came in your mouth"
Mostly i might never get belligerent again because im gonna have to keep track of a diamond ring.
Just realized my relationship wasn't even Facebook official and I'd already cheated on him. 'Shitty girlfriend' is an understatement.
debating what would be more effort, turning on to my other side or trying to get myself off with my left hand. that kind of lazy day.
At some point, I’d like to pretend that his penis is a popsicle.
I put in a tampon while driving a moving vehicle. I feel like this is simultaneously a new low and the sort of feat that deserves a merit badge.
You can have my vag. Its useless without you.
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