She just asked to stimulate my prostate, man law requires you come pick me up
he said I was the best sex he's ever had, handed me a burger king crown and told me to take my walk of shame with pride
I'm going to listen to christmas music to trick my body into cooling off.
I wouldn't accept the money so he folded the $20 bill into an origami puppy and left a note saying "Not blowjob money"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He took a shot, then proceeded to puke into the bucket he was iceing his broken foot in
I do have a life. It just consists of making scarves and chesse straws now
Trying to coordinate a drug deal while taking a psych test is not easy.
You were greeting everyone with " Hi I'm Jess show me your dick" whether they were dudes or not.
I made everyone scream the national anthem with me after playing true American last night. I'm pretty much their leader now.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Why is your ex naked in my apartment?
I think I've forgotten how to blink. Help plz?
I'm glad our friendship can withstand laughing mid-blowjob during the diarrhea scene in Dumb & Dumber.
i was so unappreciative the bar was giving out sweatbands UNTIL I casually used it during sex.
just said thank you to the lady who gave me a body search at the airport
sorry about your sharpie. alex wanted to shave the left side of his body so he had me draw a line over him with a ruler
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