wait, did i just see you litter out your window??
umm, i have a hybrid. it cancels out.
I can do it, this is my punishment and I will accept it, plus id like to see the look on peoples faces when I throw up on them
She's the perfect storm when it comes to psycho stalkers
There was a sweat stain in the shape of a fast chick with low standard on your bathroom floor
Two words that describe last night: naked and backflips.
I'm not taking advice from anyone I've seen passed out naked at noon on the hood of a strangers car. Meaning you.
I wore wrist and ankle weights while we had sex. Does that count as working out?
Watching the blind side bc I need a good cry to make sure I'm still human after this weekend's questionable life choices
Just had a med school interview with that doctor I fucked in college. He remembered. Asked if I still have my nipple rings. Overall, I think it went well.
Nothing says "I'm sorry for shitting in your bed" like an Olive Garden gift card
I just tripped over a but plug that was on the floor. It's 430 in the morning
Im playing a game I have to take a drink every time my gram asks me the same question hammered by 4 guaranteed...
I didn't have anyone to cheers so I tapped my beer on your fish tank... a little too hard
This is getting exciting. I almost wanna turn off all the lights, get some popcorn, and stare at my phone screen to see if she's going to say yes or not
And on a much sadder note, I'm way to drunk for this right now
If I'm getting through this pandemic I'm doing it drunk.
Randomize
