i'm going to rape that little man
omg not your brother
rolled in at 7am w/ 2 girls i met at the strip club. my neighbor was getting up to mow the lawn before he took his kids to school. i'm 31. he's younger. if given the chance, you think he'd want to switch places?
oh man. maybe i should puke on his dick? just to test how much he loves me?
This is no lauging matter. Huge cock equals great sex. Marriage to huge cock equals great life.
I began mixing captain Morgan and jack daniels and called it captain jack sparrow. I puked. a lot.
I'm a terrible friend...i should have come right over instead of having sex for an hour and a half. :/ want anything from burger king?
Most people would probably take his lack of responses as a queue to stop. But nope, not me. I just keep going. And that's why I don't have a bf, just a little weinered friend
That tingly feeling you're experiencing in your lady parts is my mustache. All the ladies of America are waking up feeling the same thing. You're welcome.
I just accidentally showed an old lady a pic of my penis while showing her cat pics. So how's your day going?
HE STARTED HUMMING THE THEME TO STAR WARS!! WHILE I'M SUCKING HIS DICK!!
I need a conscience and I need it yesterday.
I need to stop challenging people to taking off clothes. I win too often
The magnum condom fits. I feel like a manly version of cinderella
I just group texted a dick pic. Wonder who'll respond back first. Ashley Stacey or my stepmom
Oh man. I threw up in the first cab. Got kicked out. Roamed somewhere for awhile. Fell asleep in the back if the second cab. Woke up in my underwear on the living room floor with a frozen pizza (thawed) laying next to me
Randomize
