i found a dude playing guitar on the portapotty
How's your Sunday morning ritual of shitting and throwing up at the same time going?
is there a legit reason for the weird voicemail I got at 2:14am?all I could make out was 'help me' 'two hours' and 'toilet butt'. wtf did u drink.
gpnpr hd vmdd nm the ggrl whm was mn my lar
I need you to use more vowels.
I'm pretty sure the guy she brought home is a polish porn star..
She made me sing happy birthday to myself at the urinal.
Bartender just fed me brownie. Its going to be a good night
THERE IS A WINE CUBE IN MY ASS THIS IS NOT GOING AS PLANNED
How interesting! I'm adding this to my list of things to discuss with you between fucks.
Eye drops are like seatbelts of being high. Think about it
You guys are like the reason that ketamine is a controlled substance.
listen I need taco bell and an orgasm within the next hour. I'll leave the order in which you provide those things up to you
Yeah so then I used the selfie stick his mom gave me to take nudes
a day off where I don’t get laid would be worthless
The dog destroyed my vibrator and swallowed several pieces. Vet gave us a laxative so now I’m checking lots of dog shit and having no orgasms. Plus the cute vet knows I don’t get enough dick, so that’s just great
Randomize
