it was like a zeppelin in a condom
she was trying to use her iTranslate app while we were having sex.
Dude, I need a lifestyle change. I'm to old to be making out with chicks in foam parties, letting older chicks get all excited because I let them put their hands up my shirt, and running around doing scavenger hunts with 18 yr old chicks.
I swear that when we jog in the morning I can hear it slap between his thighs
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Kristy just reminded me that I have a bottle of champagne to lick off your ass hole...... This is by way of saying that we have plans on Friday.
An hour is enough time for me to get drunk and win a dry hump marathon so I hope you have somewhat similar or better goals
I knew it was a bad night when the only thing I could remember was you force feeding me tortilla chips as I hugged the tire of my car and begged to have my stomach pumped.
I have more sex toys than shoes - HOW AM I SINGLE?!?!?
I'm pretty sure that our Lady and The Tramp Red Vine moment was the farthest I got last night
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The sex is great, I just think it'd be better if we listened to Deftones during it.
THIS IS A TERRIBLE REWARD FOR NOT GETTING PREGNANT.
I woke up on a boat next to an extremely attractive man wearing nothing but a life jacket. Neither one of us owns a boat...
Good. Go forth, young stallion. Destroy the vaginal region with your tidy crotch.
New fact of life: getting Becca high never helps any situation at all ever.
when I finally sobered up enough to get out of bed this morning I went to talk to mom and forgot that I had TITS written in big letters on both my hands. I love drinking games.
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