there is a puppy in the bar... no really i didnt steal this one
Last night this chick queefed when I was going down on her. Thinking if you! xo
My place. Tomorrow Night. Bring your liver, and something for it to do.
I always see him when I'm wearing my ripped pants. I think its because of the hole in the crotch. My vag sends out supersonic "I'm horny" waves to him. Otherwise the calls are muffled.
Im interpreting your silence as a silent plea for me to come wake you up. See you soon.
the dude from the bar called to tell his mom about me immediately after we finished PLEASE COME GET ME
Haha, oh man. I'm awake now. Slept in my headdress.
That point of drunk where you're in a bar bathroom and you're like "F*ck you bra! I'm not taking your sh*t anymore! and you take it off and throw it in a trashcan.
He brought her home and fucked her in a gingerbread man costume in a cardboard rapunzel castle. He had a pretty good night.
In that case, if you come anywhere near my house you can expect to be chased down various streets by a half naked me wielding a baseball bat. No, I am not giving you my address.
Why so serious bruh
Update - might be back in your neighbor's good graces. She liked the framed photo I gave her of me on the tractor with my business out.
The contents of my fridge consist of alcohol, Nuva ring, and cheesecake. I'm that girl.
He deserves someone who will touch his penis at 3 a.m.
going on fb and having 11 notifications all from you is absolutely horrifying
They say you need two forms of ID, but in reality 1 nice set of tits works every time
Randomize
