today is like waiting for pizza day in elementary school, but with sex added
You told me you loved me after I brushed your teeth with my index finger.
The fact that every guy you've slept with since you've lost virginty either have the same first or last name isn't normal.
St Patricks day needs to be raged like youve never raged before. Like youre in the desert and it starts raining beer. Like it's the day the announced the 21st amendment (which is the one that ended prohibition)
I'm trying to pinpoint the moment when "don't do anything I wouldn't do" became bad advise.
get ready to load up the weird cannon and blow a load of buck-wildness all over the place people
I think I'll handle my grief by throwing myself headlong into lesbianism. Seems like a fitting tribute to you.
I got kicked out of the hotel after wandering into the banquet kitchen at 2am trying to find the shrimp....so we're power napping in the car and then driving to madison.
When I picked you up, you were drinking Maker's Mark out of the bottle with a crazy straw.
Evvvvvveryone knows we hooked up in the DJ booth. People call it the BJ booth now. I've created a legacy
Good morning love! Friendly reminder that we decided to make leggings with a vagina zipper. "For the winter quickie"
I went from looking for a bong to home decor in a 10 minute span. This is what being an adult is all about!
I think the biggest problem with being overhigh is when the kitchen was on fire and I was pointing and laughing and eating rootbeer oreos like it was fucking Ozzfest 2000
Wish me luck. My vagina needs it.
May his noodley appendage touch you.
If you can endure a laser on the butthole, you can endure a wax on the butthole. Those are words to live by.
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