I plan on putting pajamas back on after I shower. Today is going to be awesome.
Im glad youre not pregnant with that New Jersey assholes baby. Your vagina would have smelled worse than Newark.
i pretty much saved your life. you were so conviced that your nail polish remover bottle was "Vodka Lemon"
we turned studying into a drinking game, she drinks when she gets it right, i drink when she gets it wrong. so we'll be out soon
i can't tell if you're serious or not, but 420 is gonna be pirate themed
Just did lines off a tackle box. Love Montana.
he came within less than a minute of me blowing him. this was our second night hanging out in a row. for an almost 30 year old italian man, he is NOT living up to his country's reputation
you called me and cried until i agreed to record a rap about our lives with you
How can you turn a kayak date down? I'M TALKING RIVER HEAD HERE.
he told me he was a Boston Bruins fan so I took his hat into the bathroom and peed in it...I've never been a prouder Ranger fan
There is someone hissing in the hallway. Not even a typo. Not pissing. Hissing. Like a large cat. Or a komodo dragon.
I take to many stalker pics of him. If he ever looks through my phone he'll never give me sex again :(
My mom just asked me if I can obtain a fake ID by thursday
My dad's girlfriend is driving through the snow to bring me my purple haze. If he doesn't wife her up, we have a bigger issue on our hands.
Hey know anyone who wants 58 lbs of whole frozen chickens for a couple bowls?
Randomize
