I wish I had my old roomstes number so I could send him pictures from lastnight... I had a blast banging his "true love" now that I think about it we're even don't worry about that gas bill you didn't pay. Ur girl worked it off!
she's sitting on the other side of the room at this party. with her smirnoff tucked in that little opening between her cleavage and shirt. drinking from a straw. snapping her fingers off beat.
it's love
only you would photoshop your dick
it was literally the size of a crayloa marker. i didnt know what to do with it so i just sat there
i just opened a bottle of wine with my dads power tools
I'm a gay man planning my brothers bachelor party, and he choose someone else to be his best man. I hope they like appltinis and gay clubs. Bastard.
Zak is like the Picasso of masterbatory texts
Normally, it will inspire me to work. Today, it's inspiring me to masturbate.
like, by the end of my shift people were asking if I'd sobered up enough to take a drink order yet. that bad.
I just realized how terrible that was... I was drumming on your penis to a song about Baby Jesus.
Leaving Denver airport I just saw a group of young Republicans in matching green T-shirts that said "4/20 Baby!"
Hypothetically speaking, at what point does fire become too much fire?
I hate the cold months. Everybody starts hibernating and I start talking to guys I would never normally talk to. You have a drug habit and no license? Perfect candidate for a boyfriend...
Well drunk me was looking out for sober me again, hid the beer and bought another case for me
hurry there's a jack Daniels slip n slide and clothes are coming off faster than I can even comprehend oh thank god for autocorrect
Randomize
