well, someone with very low standards is getting their dick sucked
I need a good reason NOT to eat this entire jar of nutella right now
We thought you were crowd-surfing until we realized it was the bouncers throwing you out
haha it staarrted out with just getting drunk then it turned into sports authority. So now im 4th or 5th in line and shit faced. Help me
i'm not a hellocoptur, but youer in a dorm ans im un a dorm
I spiked my fruit smoothie. Taking bikini season diet to a whole new level
We're having a serious conversation and I just responded to something he said with an emoticon. I am so baked.
What do you wear to apply at a strip club?
I mean, yeah, she was cheating on me but I've been fucking her brother. My secret relationship trumps her secret relationship.
The less fucks you give, the more fucks you get. Kinda like "a penny saved is a penny earned" but with vagina.
My vibrator looks like a lipstick tube. So does my mace. I just realized the potential problems of keeping them both in the same bag.
The internet is out at West Chester so I'm masturbating using my imagination. What is this, the fucking dark ages?
In hindsight, drunkenly yelling "I'M TICKLISH" might not have been an entirely wise decision
I was going to text you that earlier, but I felt like before 10 was probably to early to bring up boners
You know that voice that tells you to do something spontaneous after 1am? Don't listen to it.
Randomize
