This escort grabbed my boyfriends ass and it became clear, he fucked pretty much anything he could find prior to dating me.
We tried to make a sex tape, but we were hammered and she forgot to take the cap off the camera. Somebody starts snoring 10 minutes in.
You just kept yelling, "THAT'S THE POWER OF PINESOL, BABY!"
Wow just saw this. Nothing like a little anal sex to ring in 2012.
And now she's hand feeding me pork rines and showing me her angry birds high scores. This is Vegas.
My roommate said I banged on the wall and said, "this dude eats pussy like a champ."
Note to self: do not ride giant beanbag chair down stairs.
they have a video of him in his boxers making a snow angel in the hallway is his own vomit and coca cola.
I can only send "I want your dick" texts to so many guys before I accidentally over-book myself. I need a day planner.
Just ran into a client at a sex shop. The meeting tomorrow is going to be really awkward as we both try not to picture each other using vibrators or role play costumes.
I'm shaved like a Brazilian hooker right now.
I have the flu.
I don't give a shit
I mean, he's 40, foreign, artsy but with substance abuse problems and estranged children. How is he not my type?
I just used Bacardi to dry out poison ivy.
I threw up in a wendys bag in her car. when i went to throw it out the window it exploded all over me. No I don't think there will be a second date.
I was so high I kept trying to flush the toilet with the light switch
I'm waiting for you in a manthong right now.
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