I would blow Magic Johnson for a pack of lucky strikes right now. Post-hiv.
it was so cute when you were pretending to have willpower
Margaritas ran out of lime juice. Substituted Jaeger. Jaegerita not good.
Next time i try to unbutton my R.A's shirt with my teeth, please stop me
No promises.
If I die tonight, I want you to know that your sister is awesome in bed
For future reference, even the most well-intentioned game of whiskey pong is a terrible idea.
I made friends with a raccoon. I pet it. Like I was Pocahontas.
how do I tell him nicely and in french that we can't have sex anymore because his huge penis will ruin me for other french men?
Facebook stalking a girl from Germany is harder then you think.you have to copy and paste all this shit into freetranslations.com then try and piece together an awkward sentence. If only I could put this energy into something productive.
he's just a really huge penis that sells weed
He told me about how he pissed his pants last weekend like it was a normal part of conversation. Within 10 minutes I was going home with him. I think he put me under some kind of spell.
My new best friend is the drag queen who works at mcdonalds and doesnt judge me during my walk of shame coffee break
Got home and told boyfriend what happened. He was like "you made out with a guy you call Balls Deep?" and hi-fived me.
I found a new button on my vibrator, tonight was a success
I just saw a guy faceplant off a unicycle while holding a saxophone, while his buddy riding another unicycle and sporting a flute rode by laughing
Only at UConn...
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